The Checklist Wall
Riot: Let’s talk about the Wall. You know the one. You spend three hours on TikTok watching people talk about their special interests, and you think, “Wait, is that me?” Then you spend another four hours on Google reading the DSM-5, and you think, “No, I’m too smart/social/successful to be autistic.”
Then you hit the Wall. That massive, glowing wall of neon checkboxes that keeps moving every time you try to check one. This checklist isn’t here to “diagnose” you—only a clinician (or a very deep, unmasked look in the mirror) can do that. This checklist is here to help you see the Patterns.
The ‘Am I Really?’ Checklist
1. The Historical Evidence (The Flying Books)
Go back through your life. Don’t look at who you are now with your high-fidelity mask on. Look at the kid who was catching the “flying books” in the library of their own head.
- The Social Scripting: Did you spend your teenage years watching movies or reading books to “learn how people talk”?
- The Sensory Gaps: Were there certain noises, textures, or lights that felt like an actual physical assault while everyone else just ignored them?
- The Intense Focus: Did you ever lose 12 hours of your life because you were researching the history of 14th-century architectural joinery?
2. The Internal Landscape (The Verification Mirror)
Look in the mirror. Not the one in your bathroom, but the one in your brain.
- The Masking Cost: Does “feeling normal” require so much effort that you need 48 hours to recover after a two-hour party?
- The Echo Chamber: Is your internal world so loud and intense that you sometimes have to physically shake your head or rock your body to “reset” the frequency?
- The Joy of Stimming: Does flapping your hands, rocking, or repeating a specific word feel like a sudden surge of pure, unfiltered power?
Navigating the Pattern (The Puzzle Bridge)
Riot: If you’re checking these boxes and feeling a sudden, terrifying surge of relief, you’re not “looking for an excuse.” You’re finding the Data. You’re building a bridge made of all the small, glowing puzzle pieces of your life.
The foggy side is the “broken” narrative you’ve been living. The bright, clear side is the reality: you are a high-vibration human running on a different operating system.
The Authenticity Manifesto
If you meet these criteria, you have the right to claim your identity. You don’t need a $5,000 report to start unmasking. You don’t need a psychologist to tell you that your sensory needs are valid.
Riot’s Protocol:
- I will stop apologizing for my “weird” interests.
- I will wear my earplugs in the grocery store without shame.
- I will rock, flap, and move my body whenever the vibration hits.
- I am done pretending to be a low-fidelity version of someone else.
The Pattern Metrics:
- Historical Consistency: If these traits have existed since childhood, the probability of neurodivergence is >90%.
- Sensory Reach: If sensory inputs impact your “uptime” more than social interactions, you are likely in the autistic ecosystem.
- Identity Resonance: If reading about unmasking feels like “coming home,” that is the most powerful data point you have.