Belong on your own settings.
If you’re AuDHD, you’ve been told two contradictory things since the day you entered the simulation (or long before it).
- “Just be yourself! The players will love you for who you are.”
- “You need to act more professional/polite/normal if you want to succeed in the corporate OS.”
Both of these are usually terrible logic. “Just being yourself” in a hostile, underbuilt simulation without any protection is a recipe for social friction that you might not have the metabolic budget to manage. But “acting normal”—traditionally known as Masking—is the leading cause of system failure and systemic burnout. It’s not rocket appliances.
We’re proposing a third option: Strategic Adaptation.
This is the difference between lying about your code and optimizing how you interface with the simulation. It’s the difference between exhaustive performance and sustainable method. Masking is a survival reflex; Strategic Adaptation is a choice made by a high-value protagonist.
Section 1: The High Cost of Performance (System Drag)
Leviticus: Masking is sub-conscious and automatic. It’s the suppression of your stims, the forced eye contact that makes your hardware itch, and the “Social Pleasantry” scripts you run to avoid being seen as a “glitch.”
Riot: Think of masking like a background process that eats 60% of your CPU. It’s always running, even when you don’t need it. It drains your metabolic battery and leaves you with zero bandwidth for the actual tasks of your life.
Leviticus: Strategic Adaptation, however, is conscious. You decide when and where to adapt for a specific outcome, and you know exactly what it’s costing your neural ledger. You are the one at the controls.
Section 2: Survival vs. Agency (The Code Origin)
Riot: Masking is a survival mechanism. You likely developed it as a child to avoid rejection or bully NPCs. You didn’t choose to mask; your nervous system chose it for you to keep you safe from a worst-case Ontario.
Leviticus: Strategic Adaptation is agency. You choose to run a specific social script because it gets you the data or the connection you want, and then you immediately hit a recovery protocol. You’re not “faking it”; you’re specializing the interface.
Section 3: The Alchemist Take (The Social API)
Leviticus: I view social interaction as a protocol exchange. Most people approach socializing as some sort of “magic” or “connection.” I view it as a series of data packets.
Masking is like trying to rewrite your entire OS to look like Windows when you’re actually a high-fidelity custom build. It’s inefficient and causes crashes. Strategic Adaptation is building an API (Application Programming Interface). You aren’t changing your core code; you’re just providing a structured way for the world to interact with you so you can get the result you want.
The Social API Method:
- Identify the Logic Goal: What is the minimum viable result of this interaction?
- Select the Signal Tags: Use only the social signals required to reach that goal. If I need a paycheck, I’ll use the “Professional Collaborator” tags. I don’t need to be “friends” with everyone; I just need to be usable.
- Hard Logout Time: Every “adapted” session has a hard logout time. No exceptions.
Section 4: Riot Take (The Costume Method)
Riot: For me, it’s about the “vibe” and the protagonist energy. Masking feels like a cage—it’s silencing your high-vibration soul just to make some boring person comfortable. Strategic Adaptation feels like a Costume.
I’m not “pretending” to be someone else; I’m choosing a version of myself that fits the intensity of the room. It’s “No mask, just method.” If I’m at a warehouse rave, I’m the 100% unmasked, high-vibration Riot. If I’m at a relative’s birthday dinner, I might put on the “Quiet and Attentive” costume.
The Identity Rule:
- If the “adaptation” causes a system redline, it’s not adaptation; it’s self-harm.
- If you can’t take the costume off the second you walk through your front door, you’re masking.
- Authentic connection can only happen when the mask is off, but social success often requires the “designer” version of you.
Section 5: Where We Disagree
Leviticus: I believe you should adapt in almost all professional and generic simulations to maximize your long-term metabolic budget. The friction of “unmasking” in an environment that doesn’t understand neurodiversity is almost never worth the energy cost. It’s more efficient to run the API.
Riot: I disagree. I think “No fake fitting-in” applies to the whole simulation. If you can’t be at least 70% unmasked at your job or with your friends, you’re at the wrong job and with the wrong people. We shouldn’t have to build an API just to exist. Sometimes the “friction” of being unmasked is exactly what’s needed to find a bigger room that actually fits you.
Section 6: Shared Practical Framework (The Adaptation Audit)
Despite our differences, we agree on the audit. Before you engage, ask these four questions:
1. Check the CPU State
Is this behavior automatic or intentional? If you find yourself holding your breath or forcing a smile without realizing it, you’re Masking. Stop, breathe, and move to Intentional Adaptation.
2. Check the Metabolic Cost
How much post-event recalibration will this require? Use the 1:2 Ratio. If a 1-hour meeting requires a 2-hour blackout, the adaptation is too heavy for your current hardware. Adjust your settings.
3. The “Safety” Protocol
Are you adapting because you want something (Agency) or because you’re afraid of something (Survival)? If it’s fear, leave the situation. Protecting your safety is more important than “success” in a hostile room.
4. The Stimming Rule
Never suppress stimming during an adaptation unless it’s a hard, simulation-altering requirement. If you can stim under the table or use a subtle fidget, do it. It keeps the CPU cooler and allows the adaptation to last longer.
Scripts for Identity Boundaries
When you stop masking with a friend
“I’m moving away from performative social habits to protect my metabolic budget. This means I might be quieter, or I might stim more, but it also means I’m actually being present with you instead of playing a character. This is how I belong in this simulation.”
When you’re choosing to adapt for a specific goal
“I’m going to run a high-structure protocol for this meeting to ensure the data lands clearly. I’ll be off-grid for two hours afterward to recalibrate. Message me after the reset.”
The “No Apology” Unmasking
“I process data significantly better when I’m not forced to maintain constant eye contact. I’m going to look at my notes while we talk; it ensures I’m actually hearing your signal and not just performing ‘listening’.”
If You Only Do 3 Things
- No mask, just method. Know when you’re performing a survival reflex and when you’re strategizing a specific outcome. Transition from survival to agency.
- Belong on your own settings. Your unmasked, regulated state is your baseline. Never apologize for coming back to it.
- Run the pattern, not the panic. If you feel the mask slipping or the energy crashing, don’t double down on the performance. Switch to your extraction protocol and get to safety.
Welcome to the New Baseline. Let’s calibrate the room.